Art of Listening
Art of Listening
Listening is an art
I listen with my ears,
Eyes and heart
While addressing students of final year engineering, I asked them a question. My question was:
“You
are driving a minibus. At first stop, 20 passengers get on the minibus.
At next stop, 8 people get off the minibus and 10 people get on the
minibus. What is the age of the driver?”
Some
of the answers were — about 50, about 40, do not know as the age is not
given in the question, like this, I received many wrong answers and
then I repeated the question again and after that I received the right
answer and that was their respective age.
One of my teachers asked once the following question:
If a black man marries a white lady and produces a baby, what will be the color of his teeth?
Everybody answered, of course, baby will have white teeth and teacher answered all of you are wrong as baby will not have any teeth at the time of birth.
Once one of the trainers asked a class following question:
Munna
worked at a fish shop. His height was 5’6”, his waist was 36”. He
worked 10 hours a day and earned 100 Rs per day. What did he weigh?
Everybody
started calculating Munna’s weight by doing arithmetic and establishing
relation between given digits. Then one person got up and said, “He weighed fish”. Ah! All students sighed. The question was not what his weight was; it was what he weighed!
While teaching the students of B.Tech 3rd year, I asked the question:-
A
farmer has five stacks of wheat in one field and 11 stacks of wheat in
another field. How many wheat stacks would he have if he combined them
all into one field?
All students answered, “It will be definitely 16”. I answered, “All of you are wrong. The correct answer is one stack as these had been combined”.
Above questions and answers bring out the importance of active listening
which is a structured way of listening and responding to others. It
focuses attention on the speaker. Suspending your likes & dislikes
are important to focus on the speaker. Active listening involves the
following:
Observe — non-verbal behavior
Focus — Do not do anything else
Acknowledge — Acknowledge the message
Acronym of LISTEN is given as under:-
L — Look interested
I — Involve totally
S — Stay focused
T — Test your understanding
E — Evaluate the message
N — Neutralize your feelings
Every good conversation starts with good listening. It is pertinent to quote Stephen R Covey,
“Most people do not listen
With intent to understand,
They listen with intent to reply”
Hearing vs. listening:-
Listening and hearing are not the same. Listening is a conscious, active process with the mind. The Hearing is with senses.
Listening = Hearing + Focusing on message + Comprehending and Interpreting + Analyzing & Evaluating
We are given two ears but only one mouth because listening is twice as difficult as talking.
Active listening was given utmost importance in ancient India. Thew Vedas used to be called as “Shruti”.
Vedas
were never printed as disciples learn by listening and chanting the
sutras of the same. Intense active listening was practiced by all in day
to day life in ancient India.
In
Mahabharat, there is an interesting story of Abhimanyu. While he was in
his mother’s womb, Arjuna explained the process of entering in the
“Chakarvuh” (Labyrinth) to Subhadra (Abhimanyu’s mother). The listening
was so intense and active that Abhimanyu while in womb had also learnt
the same but unfortunately when he was explaining the process of
breaking the labyrinth (Chakarvyuh), Subhadra was not awake and that had
resulted very costly to Pandavas as Abhimanyu easily entered the
Chakarvyuh formed by Kauravas but as he was not knowing how to break it
and move out of it, he was killed. The story brings out the importance
of active listening.
There
is another story from Mahabharat itself which also brings out the
importance of active listening. Krishna wanted that Dronacharya who was
fighting a ferocious battle should be killed and therefore he requested
Yudhisthir to announce “Ashwasthama hato naro va kunjro” i.e.,
Ashwasthama had been killed whether human being or elephant.
Dronacharya heard the news of the death of his dearest son and stopped
fighting and that is the time Dhristdhumn killed Dronacharya. This was
the turning point of battle of Mahabharat.
In
Vietnam War, the American army was fighting a fierce battle for
capturing a post. It was a battle where they fought tooth and nail to
capture the dominating piece of ground. They were fighting last man last
round battle. They requested for reinforcement on Radio Telephony — “Send reinforcement on an Op-immediate basis”. But the person who received the message interpreted it wrongly as “Send five dollar six cents on an op-immediate basis” and reinforcement was not dispatched and American lost the operation and posts too.
Above stories gives the lesson, “Success of an operation depends on good listening capability”.
Somebody has rightly said;
“Speak in such a way
That other love to listen to you
Listen in such a way
That other love to speak to you”
10 steps of listening:
· Focus on being interested
· Start by asking questions
· Look for commonalities
· Tune in with all your attention
· Communicate you are listening with a nod
· Paraphrase what speaker says
· Validate the speaker’s emotions
· Maintain eye contact
· Let go of your own agenda
· Turn off the TV
Six Distinct Components of Listening:-
Hearing — Process of receiving sound or other stimuli
Attending — Focusing attention on external stimuli
Interpreting — The process of decoding the symbols or behavior attended to
Evaluating — The process of deciding the value of the info to receiver
Remembering — The process of placing the appropriate information into the short term or long term storage
Responding — The process of giving feedback to the source and/or another receiver
There is a difference between truly listening and waiting for your turn to talk. It is pertinent to quote Dean Jackson, “Listening is an art that requires attention over talents, spirit over ego, others over self”.
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